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Are You A Man?
© 1997 Sean
Altman
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"Are you a man?" -- that's what you ask
As if I'm wearing a man mask
What's a man? Won't you explain
Just what you're thinking inside your brain
Does he have money lining his pockets?
Is he decisive -- moves like a rocket?
Knows what he wants and know how to earn it
Or is he just like everybody else's man --
A walking talking thinking gland?
What's a man? Where does he live?
In a mansion or in a crib?
What does he live on -- beefsteak & fries?
Or mother's milk and goo-goo eyes?
Carries your picture inside a locket
He'd starve in the gutter before he would hock it
Hands like a soldier and face like a sinner
Or is he just like a picture in a magazine --
Tight belly, white briefs, squeaky clean?
Well there's a big lipstick blotch where my face used to be
A crop-dusting haze of Kewpie-doll crazy
My biceps exploding with battle scenes
A stone-munching, pure-bred, butt-crunching bone-head
Bare-chested, greased up and pumping and
I'm a man -- I'm not your father.
I'm not your preacher, I ain't your brother
I'm not your hero -- don't make me laugh.
You want a painting, but I'm a photograph
I don't have money lining my pockets
And I've got a temper explodes like a rocket
I'm probably addicted to some things I don't know
Oh I'm a stumbling, stuttering, foul-mouth fool
A stick-figure, mannequin, dime-store tool
I'm a man -- I got my problems.
I got my puzzles -- I try to solve 'em
Ah, but I'm doing the best that I can
'Cause I'm not super... I'm just a man
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Baby Go Bye Bye
© 1997 Sean
Altman
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Baby Go bye bye -- my baby make me cry go
Baby go bye bye bye -- beep beep
Under my bed a dirty girly mag a psychobabble paperback
I give my money on a sofa to professionals, they gimme a wack
I wanna binge I wanna purge & indescriminately breed
I wanna bleed I wanna smoke up any weed I wanna breathe in
every dirty doggy minute of my muddy brown misery
Baby go bye bye bye, is every lovin' a lie lie lie
Make me wonder... bye...baby bye bye...
Beautiful birdy body but her bodice couldn't
keep her heart from migrating south
A poet's sense o'time, an artist's eye
for coloring the easy way out
How did she do it? A Houdini. I'm a'doubting everything
I ever thought about a pretty girl who begged me for my ring
I'm on the operating table aint no anaesthetic in my I.V.
Baby go bye bye bye, is every lovin' a lie lie lie
Make me wander by...baby bye bye
(tribal chanting in a pigsty)
Firecracker in an anthill, duck & cover, better run
Armageddon, Hellzapoppin, loaded up & granny get your gun
Ain't no messiah thats meshugge what we got is muck & mire
In the name of what you broke it up & made us into liars?
Everybody gather wood we're burning vows in the bonfire
Baby go bye bye bye, is every lovin' a lie lie lie
Make me wander by...baby bye bye
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Back to Chicago
© 1994 Sean Altman
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I've known the road, far much too long
You know a hotel's just not a home
But now I'm going back, said I'm going back to Chicago
I've been to Broadway, I made the rounds
I've had my taste of fame in the crowds
But now I'm going back, said I'm going back to Chicago
Will anyone remember me?
It feels so long, it wasn't so long ago
I'm gonna stand on the corner and sing
"I'm finally home!"
I've been to Reno, to Rome and Iraq
But in my heart there's just something they lack
So now I'm going back, said I'm going back to Chicago... Windy City!
I wonder if anybody remember me?
It wasn't so long, but it was so long ago
I'm going down to the South Side and scream
"Hey everybody, I'm home!"
I've been to Lima, to Chad and L.A.
Y'know the feeling just ain't the same
So I'm going back, said I'm going back
I've got to get myself back, yes I do, maybe I'll take a plane
'Cause I got to get back, said I'm going back to my home... Chicago!
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Beautiful Liar
unpublished work © 1998 Sean
Altman & Noel Cohen
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There goes my blushing bride
So much for Mrs. Right
You kissed that myth goodbye
Hip hip hooray for a feminist twist
A gender switch - Don Juan's a bitch, you liar
A beautiful liar. A beautiful liar, liar. You liar lie...
I guess I should be thrilled
Jacked off by such a Jill
Undone with charm & skill
But I'm such a vulgar piece of dreck
That all I wanna do is wring your neck, you liar
A beautiful liar. A beautiful liar, liar. You liar lie...
Forked tongue, cloven hoof, cleft palate belle
Your next stop's Hell, where everyone smells a liar
A beautiful liar. A beautiful liar, liar. You liar lie...
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Be My Friend
© 1997 Sean
Altman
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I smell you in the kitchen, waxing your broom for witchin'
Polish your thumb for hitchin' hikin' boots are made for walkin'
I said come on now Missy, New York ain't Mississippi
Don't play no kissy kissy, throw it down and pitch your penny
Be my friend, then maybe be my lover, won'tcha
Be my friend, be my friend 'til the end (why don'tcha)
Be my friend, cause I don't need no other won'tcha
Be my, be my friend (be my friend) oh baby I...
Why won't you talk my lingo? Your card is full, shout "Bingo!"
Don't need no pink flamingo, looking good but hibernating
I'm bleeding, broke and bare, hacked off my hippie hair
The ultimate team player, friend to man and nature won'tcha
Chorus
I'II ladder up your window, I'II walk you home from school
I'II be your soda jerk & break your daddy's golden rule
There ain't nobody better, tuckin' you in at night
You'll wear my scarlet letter - don't fight, don't bite just hold tight...all
night!
My crazy impulsiveness, superduperlativeness
Manic stick-to-it-iveness - Heed it or beware! Why don'tcha
Chorus
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The Best Boyfriend In The World
© 2001 Sean Altman & P.J. Lequerica
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No lying, I'm trying to be the perfect guy
The best boyfriend in the world
I caught you looking at me with a suspicious face
I guess my reputation's followed me to this place
Believe me - I'm not what they say
Won't hurt you that way, no
I promise I would prove it to you every day
If you were my girl
I'd be the best boyfriend in the world
I'd treat you right
Don't believe what you heard
I want you, so just say the word
Make me the best boyfriend in the world
You could have any boy so why should you run with me?
The man inside of me is someone you might not see
Believe me - the face that you know
Well it's all just for show, yeah
And if you let me love you I won't let you go
chorus
No lying, I'm trying to be the perfect guy
Babe if you'll be mine I'll keep you satisfied
chorus
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A NAME="capital">
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Capital
© 1993 Sean
Altman
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Albany, Atlanta, Tallahassee, Oklahoma City
Trenton, Nashville, Concord, Dover, Little Rock, Des Moines
Sacramento, Olympia, Montpelier, Jackson, Carson City
Juneau, Denver, Raleigh, Austin, Boston!
Capital!
Just one city in every state
Where the governor and legislators stay up late
Got the name, got the fame, the political weight, hey!
Capital!
Providence, Topeka, Santa Fe, Indi(anapolis), Annapolis
St. Paul, Jefferson City, Honolulu, Baton Rouge
Harrisburg, Columbia, Augusta, Phoenix, Salt Lake City, Salem
Madison, Cheyenne, I'm thinkin' Lincoln!
Capital!
Just one city in every state
Where the shiny politicians contemplate our fate
Taking aim, making claims in the friendly debate, hey!
Capital!
Bismarck, Boise, Springfield
Frankfort, Richmond, Columbus
Charleston, Helena, Capital
Lansing, Hartford, Montgomery!
Just one city in every state
Turn the political machine on, watch it percolate
Lots of Honest Abes kissing babes, making each state great!
Capital!
Just one city... Capital!
(Oh, no! Oh, no! Pierre! Pierre! We forgot Pierre!)
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Carmen's Song
© 1994 Sean Altman & David
Yazbek
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Nashville to Norway Bonaire to Zimbabwe Chicago to Pittsburgh to
Philly and back again Naples to Brussels Berlin to Belize Indonesia
Topeka Botswana to Thailand Milan via Amsterdam Mali to Bali The
Netherlands Scotland to Pakistan New York to Omaha Luxembourg
Galveston Freeport to Minsk
Where in the world is the Coliseum?
Who took the Sphinx and Cleopatra's needle?
Who got the Guggenheim Museum?
I don't see 'em, and where's the German soccer team?
She took the bang out of Krakatoa
She stole the keys from Beethoven's piano
Took a Little Italy and then Samoa
I got to show her, she can't stoop any lower
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Boston to Burma, Bath to Oswego
We've got to find her, got to confine her
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Over in Dover the cliffs are history
She bagged the checkered flag - the Indy hasn't stopped yet
Nobody stops her con artistry
She's a mystery, she never even calls her sister
She took the lean from the Tower of Pisa
Got off the plane, her eardrums haven't popped yet
Sailed to Paris on a bogus visa
Then just to tease her, she copped the smile from Mona Lisa
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Grabbed Trinidad then hijacked Tobago
We've got to jail her, got to derail her
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Greg, come on, she's nothin' but a scammer, stick that mischievious
heel in the slammer, catch the crook, no more lame excuses, lock that
lady in jail!
Nashville to Norway Bonaire to Zimbabwe Chicago to Pittsburgh to
Philly and back again Naples to Brussels Berlin to Belize Indonesia
Topeka Botswana to Thailand Milan via Amsterdam Mali to Bali The
Netherlands Scotland to Pakistan New York to Omaha Luxembourg
Galveston Freeport to Lebanon Belgium El Salvador Poland Morocco
Manhattan to Ireland Hungary Cambodia
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Brooklyn to Chad, Brunei to Bombay go
We can't forgive her, send her up the river
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
There's California, where did L.A. go
It ain't okey dokey 'til she's in the pokey
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Cleveland to Bronx, Taiwan to St. Tropez go
Who's gonna fool her, throw her in the cooler
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Got lotsa capers on her resumé go
We're in the poor house 'til she's in the big house
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
She'll yank the stars right from the Milky Way go
Well never spare her, we've got to snare her
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
She'll pluck the lilies offa your Monet go
We'll be disppointed, til she's in the joint, HEY!
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
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Change My World
© 1994 Sean Altman & Billy
Straus
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Y'gonna change my world
Y'gonna heal my world
Y'gonna feel my world and make it all a little better
And every lung sings true
And every tongue speaks kind
And every soul brings good to slice a bigger piece of mind
You suppose there's nothing much a meager man can do
Bare his hairy chest & hold his morning breath, stick his thumbs into the
screws
Curse the dusty filibusterers in riot gear
While he bellows like a cranky bull to anyone who'll hear
Y'gonna change my world
Y'gonna raise that cain
'Til ever fridge busts full and every Tarzan loves a Jane
Squelch the patter of the bullies spreading pulpit cheer
Tweak the beard of any walk-the-planking, baby-spanking crusty
buccaneer
Rally all the Pollyannas in the atmosphere
Holding hands & clicking heels and watch the evil disappear
We'll make it disappear! We'll never never ever ever fear!
Y'gonna change my world
Y'gonna green my world
Y'gonna clean my world and make it shine a little better
And every chord rings true
And everyeye color blind
And every soul finds good to slice a bigger peace of mind
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Climb On
unpublished work © 1998 Sean Altman &
Ivy Markaity
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Climb on...we'll break into a terminal dawn
Hang on...this rocket's been in orbit too long
If you wait for clues, you kill the story
If you hold your breath, you blow the glory, & whoa
Climb on...Your pocket's have been empty too long
Hang on...Look down, bang, and you're gone
The more you strain, it grips you tighter
The more you weigh, the more you're lighter, & whoa
A quiet din, come on, jump in, for the ride of your life
Climb on...Next stop the milky beyond
Hang on...Wade in the pearly chiffon
Your ticket's paid, your suit is borrowed
& yesterday's your next tomorrow, & whoa...
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Come My Way
© 1995 Sean
Altman
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Come my way into the garden home and melt your butter
Everything forgiven, every bug is livin' love, come my way...
If you're lost I will find you with a vision knows your fear
And if you break I will bind you with my arms
If you hurt I will heal you
If you stray I will reel you in and drive away the demons did you harm
Come my way, I'll carry you in from the cold
Come my way, I promise I'll lead you back home
If you're down I'll convert you with a missionary zeal
And guard your heart with a mercenary cool
And if you're drained I will fill you up with my love until you know
The glory of an other-worldly fool
Come my way, I'm crushing you diamonds from coal
Come my way, I'm turning your tin dreams to gold
Come my way into the garden home and draw your butter
Everything forgiven, every dove is livin' love, come my way...
Gift o' the gab but the Bible warns o' the bad taste in my mouth o' talkin' in
tongues
Blow to the head at the bar-room brawl gonna leave me peelin' myself right off
the wall
Bow to the bobbin'-headed icon bleed my mind down my brain to a crawl
And if you come, I will dream you to imaginary high
And if you hope, you'll awake to find it real life
But if you run I will spurn you, if you turn love will burn you
And you'll never know the story of these arms
Come my way, I'm blooming you roses from weeds
Come my way, I'm grooming me up from the seeds
Come my way into the garden home and drink your butter
Everything forgiven, every lug is livin' love, come my way...
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Daisy Simone
© 1997 Sean Altman
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Daisy, Daisy, plenty of room in my garden
Daisy is a nightly dancer, and at the club she's called Simone
Where in occasional fits of lonely, I got occasion to make my home
She got the Lady Godiva red hair, and epidermis so criminally pert
And I'm a button-nosed bumbling Boy Scout, my code of honor done turned to
dirt
And when she flings her head her sweat drops strafe the back row
Extinguishing the burning issues of the day - look out below, won't you tell
me
Daisy, Daisy, can I call you Simone?
Can I ring you up & call you out & chauffeur you home?
Would you terribly mind if a butterfly bust out his cocoon?
Daisy, Daisy, plenty of room in my garden
Daisy does a thing to Zeppelin, will make the pain drain from your soul
Maybe her grand-daddy was a fireman, taught her the tricks on the silver
pole
And if you think you're special, blink - she's gone to the next one
Extinguishing your drunken dream (it ain't the money but the fun), won't you
tell
me
Daisy, Daisy, can I call you Simone?
Can a caballero suck the marrow, lips to the bone?
Would you terribly mind one of my kind rise up from the tomb?
Daisy, Daisy, plenty of room in my garden
It's an August night and all the fans are packing heat
Yeah the buck$ are flying bullets straight to the garter
And she purrs my way and my chin's upon her feet
But my lonely loser heart's all I've got to barter
And if you think you're Don Quixote and she's ripe for rescue
Extinguishing your wishful thinking is the best you'll ever do - she don't want
you!
Daisy, Daisy, can I call you Simone?
Will you drone with me or bee the queen of the honeycomb?
Would you terribly mind if the undersigned holed up in your room?
Daisy, Daisy, plenty of room in my garden...for you...
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Dandelion
© 2002 Sean Altman
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Dandelion lures the bee from the hive
But lets no stinger lance her
I'm going, going, going 'round...
Going, going, going...
Dandelion lays her eggs in your mind
They multiply like cancer
They growing, growing, growing now...
Growing, growing, growing...
Dandelion!
I'll weed you out & mulch you (fine)
Dandelion, I'll make you mine
Oh my Dandelion
Dandelion cranes her neck to the light
Her petals tan in fashion
She going, going, going brown...
Going, going, going...
Dandelion your sun is so damned bright
You carmelize my passion
I'm going, going, going down...
Going, going, going...
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Dick About Me
© 2002 Sean
Altman
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A twist'll dim my light & I'll glow sweetly
But screw me down too tight & I'll blow completely
Whatever you know you think you see
Well you don't know dick about me
Whenever you blink I change my breed
Well you don't know dick about me
I peeled you from the shell & Heaven kissed me
You deal me back to Hell, where no one missed me
chorus
I dredge you up, I gulp you down
To wedge some pain back in this clown
Forget me not, you don't know squat
You don't know anything, anything...
Favor me tonight & fear no warning
Savor every bite 'cause I'm gone by morning
chorus
Whatever you know you think you see
Well you don't know dick about me
However you judge I change my plea
Well you don't know dick about me
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Dusty Valentine
words and music © 2001 Michael Mendyke and Sean Altman
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it's been a while
you're hazy but you're still good company
do you smile
at least as much as when you were with me
your face appears in souvenirs
forgotten in the sand
a sorry shrine
a former lifetime
folded in my hand
dusty valentine
with the paper braided color faded
nursery rhyme
that i didn't mean to find
and the perfect diction love inscription
someone's words you signed your name to
valentine never mine
another time
when tears appeared i kissed away your pain
who was i
to think that i could always do the same
at lovers' games my heart became
susceptible to theft
this stupid proof
of cupid's goof
is all that i've got left
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Last updated: March 5, 2002
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Copyright © 1998 Big Sean Music
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