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Elvis Presley
The Condiment King salutes the King. I paid my respects at Elvis Presley's grave at Graceland. I've always been a fan of Elvis and I heard there's some cool jewelry on his skeleton, so when the guard wasn't looking I started to exhume the King's casket with a little shovel. Sadly, I was forcibly ejected from Graceland and imprisoned briefly by the Memphis police, who had their naughty way with me. I'll be back, though, with a bigger shovel and some poison donuts for those rude cops. (1995)

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Last updated: December 23, 1998

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